This afternoon some of our older kids were hanging out in the kitchen talking....Jonas and Cate were playing a game they used to play in the orphanage. They had played it in the orphanages and interestly Cate is from Izmail and Jonas is from a different region and city called Donetsk. We had a huge bag of Tootsie Rolls and they had collected the wrappers. They would put their piles down and then do the rock,paper scissors game to see who goes first.... then they would hit their piles and how many wrappers flew off was what they got... the person with the most wins.... they shared that only the orphans played this game... of course it was always played with pieces of trash ...well sometimes with money when ever they had any.This conversation led to others about their life before in the orphanages... which when they happen these conversation are always spontaneous and very insightful to me... actually as we talked, more and more of the kids came in and had things to share.... most of what they shared was not positive... Jonas and Caleb were talking about when they each packed a backpack of their own things when we picked them up... Jonas was encouraging Caleb to steal some of the clothes from the general bags of clothing for all kids.... and for some reason Caleb never found his backpack ... they are certain a teacher took it . Jonas had his and it had an interesting collection of things ( a pair of jeans, an old robe, pieces of paper, underwear, a lighter he was a smoker if you remember...) then the other ones shared that they were allowed to take their own possessions with them and some like Leah said the teacher just took all of hers and told her she would not need them.... then they shared what some of the teachers had said to them...

When we would pick up Leah for our visits she would be crying... she hated this one teacher. Leah said she was pressured not to be adopted and told ," That they would take me and cut me up and take my organs and throw it to dogs... stuff like that." Jacob shared that one of his teachers was a Veteran. She would tell us stories of when you get adopted," I know a boy who was adopted... and how she read in the newspaper they chopped him up in a factory and killed him." Cate was encouraged not to leave...,"Just stay here... because the teacher was going to use her for working." Caleb was told, "Americans adopt and kill you and will use your body for other people." They told us a bunch of stuff to change our minds because we are going and they were not.... Thank God my kids were smart enough to see thru this lie and they said yes they wanted to come home..... It makes me wonder the Hell that these kids lived thru...and I am so amazed at how dear and precious they are even when some jealous and selfish adults have been in control of their lives before they get to us....

Some reflections.....

We have been home for 9 weeks last Thursday and I have been thinking about our life since we met Andrew and Gracie in July 2009... for our first trip. We were fortunate to have the first half of our process to move fairly quickly without to many bumps unlike some other families in this process have experienced... To be in Bulgaria during this time was a great time to travel there for the beautiful flowers and the weather was nice... a little hot but not to bad. It really did feel like a second honeymoon for us ... we enjoy our adoption trips and each one is special in its own way... for us we would not do an adoption without both of us being a part of the whole process... and to be in a country like Bulgaria that is very beautiful and the people were friendly and we loved sharing this with our lawyer and her family, Toni. We stayed in hotels that were modern and eating the food was a huge part of our enjoyment as well as the company of Toni and her family when we ate meals....then to be meeting Andrew and Gracie.
Even though I hated leaving them behind I knew it was part of the process in Bulgaria.... The Lord had called us clearly to adopt these 2 precious ones and so this is what we had to do. It did make it harder because we had seen Andrew suffer some not very positive conditions and treatment in his orphanage even while we were with him and we wondered what did they do to him when we were not present ? Gracie's orphanage was better but still there was some not to positive things we observed there as well. None the less we knew the Lord was watching over them until we could come back.
We had more bumps during the second part of the process but eventually we did return for our babies ... and came home Christmas eve with them... At our house it is always crazy.... just with the number of children in our family.... but to say that our Christmas was quiet and peaceful well... adding to to it this year were 2 very tired and confused little ones and super tired parents :) It has been a gradual process of trasitioning Andrew and Gracie into our family... my heart looks at the pictures from our July trip and I see so many changes in them and in us..... From these little ones in July to the children they have become in a little time at home in a family who loves them.....

This is what we saw in July.....

A little boy so wiped out from throwing up one time that he had no energy... most likely because he did not get enough to eat.. and it did not take much to rob him of his energy.....he weighed less than 20 lbs when he came home at 5 yrs and 2 months old....

A little boy who was not allowed to suck his thumb and when he did with us would slap himself because he did something he was not allowed to...

A little boy who would slam his foot hard to express his frustration when the stroller stopped... and I am sure from the callus on his heels he did this lots....

A litle boy who was not encouraged enough to walk and explore his environment... who was left in his crib most of his 5 yrs....

A little boy not happy with his cargiver and expressing himself loudly... and probably suffering for it later...

A little girl who was always looking out and away from her world in the orphange...and the arms of her daddy ready to help her.....

A little girl who was on the outside... to shy or afraid or maybe even not wanted, to get closer to the group....

A little girl who loved the trash to the candy she was given...amost as much as the candy...because that is what they all played with instead of toys....

A little girl who was peeking thru a toy...not really knowing what to do with a toy and was being shy to the people in the room with her....

A little girl who was not comfortable with being held by even someone she had no understanding of was her daddy.....

A little girl who was sort of lost to herself...and not interested in being with others just watching...

A little girl who made this face when she was uncomfortable with something....

A little girl who is afraid of a stranger.. who does not trust yet...

We celebrated Gracie's 7th birthday today !

We started her celebration this am with her favorite... donuts. We had a party tonite and for never having had anyone celebrate her birth or her conception ( her mom had been raped) she seemed like she had a good day.... the first picture is of her when we met her in July.

This is for my first group of children mostly...

My childhood home is being sold this week... we went to see it one last time this past weekend and I took these pictures for my memories.... My daddy died last May and my mom died the year before... and so now I am orphan... of sorts... even at the age of 53 it is very odd to not have my parents with me... they are always a part of me but I want to hug them, grab their hand and laugh again with them.... to say that I miss them dearly is true, I can barely let myself think of them ... I am usually one who is strong and faces the reality of things in life... but I am still a mess when I think about them and so I can't yet visit that too often or at least not when I am out in public or I would be a blubbering mess....

I was blessed to be born in a loving home.... my father as I shared before was a "daddy" and not just a dad. I have so many happy memories as I grew up... times shared in front of this fireplace, or outside helping my daddy to garden ( he was a green thumb and shared his love for growing things with me). Somehow helping him did not feel like work...he was a crazy and fun loving daddy that everyone loved.... all of my kids especially loved him. They too have many happy times in this home.... the yard was full of flowers and we played in the woods, had huge water battles with my dad ... even getting on the roof of the house to douse some unsuspecting victim.....he was a football coach at the high school and loved by many there.... he was a gift and I was blessed... the pool table in the basement was played with by many kids... the banging of the balls is a sound I remember fondly because the kids would play down there and race the balls down the sides.....

My dear husband, Paul surprised me tonite.... we forgot to take a picture of the pool table... and I really wanted to keep the pool balls because all of my children have had their "little" hands all over them when they were growing up... anyway we forgot... but tonite Paul comes home with the balls in a bag and pictures of the basement and pool table.... he bought the new owners a new set ... and drove down there this am early to exchange them :)

I was upset when we left Sunday... it would be the last time I viewed my home where I grew up... I so wanted something to let me know that my daddy and mom were there... you know a sign or something... then when I walked out front I saw these bulbs pushing up out of the cold, frozen soil... and then I heard a tapping on a tree.. my parents always loved their birds... and there was this beautiful pileated woodpecker... tapping on a tree.... thank you Lord for giving me my mom and daddy and for the home they had that was filled with lots of love.....

Look who has glasses now...

Introducing.... Mady or Lucy Johnson at 20 weeks

Mary Kate and Keith are expecting a girl at the end of June... we have known for awhile but here is her sonogram done 1 week ago... and we are waiting to hear about our daughter, Jenn and her husband's referral from Ethiopia for 1 to 3 children anytime now.... woo hooo... I love being a nana.

Andrew has been really happy lately and we have so enjoyed him

Pure contentment.... for him and me....

Tonite he loved me blowing in his ears and kissing his neck and ears... notice his t-shirt... almost every shirt he does this himself... we undo it and he wraps his arms into like this... crazy but one thing we think it does is calm him and we see no auto aggressive behaviors when he does this... so we let him :) He looks so relaxed playing with me tonite... aahh finally I think we are making some positive connections with him and he is responding back in very positive ways to us...

It is still cold and we have lots of snow on the ground

The kids in public school here have not been in school for 2 weeks... not us because we home school. Our roads are still not very good in places and with the winds we have had there are lots of drifting. The kids shoveled off the deck on Sunday... we have lots of iscicles hanging off the roof and Isaac wanted to help... so he offered to shovel around the parking areas on the driveway... we still have not taken the big van out yet ... it would have trouble on our roads getting thru... certainly this Feb. has been one for the records here.

You can tell we have been watching the olympics

Ava comes in twirling like an ice skater. Today the kids earned electronics and all are playing winter sports on the Wii, DS, Game Cube or Playstation.... we do not watch much tv but we have been watching the olympics... it is interesting to see how they all now consider themselves "americans". Even though they are interested in the country they came from they have crossed over to supporting fully the USA athletes. Even Mya is "sking, ice skating and curling".