These are 17 of the 19 orphans my husband and I have been accused of hoarding by a fellow adopter :) A person who has struggled and is stuggling with her adopted children. I have know her since she was in Ukriane doing her adoption of these boys... thru emails, phone calls and a yahoo group. I will not reveal most of our personal conversations about her struggles because I do respect her privacy. I have listened to her story and her situation about her adoption. I have read her emails on the yahoo group as well...I do not doubt any of her experiences with these boys at all... I don't even doubt her faith ( as she feels I did ), I don't even doubt her education, or effort in trying to help her boys...
She has shared many accounts of what her family has endured ( again I don't doubt them at all) but she generalizes that ALL orphans are like this or ALL orphans will have RAD or ALL newly adopting families will go thru Hell with their adopted children and I adamantly oppose the use of ALL. Because in ALL of our 19 adoptions we have not walked the journey she has. We have not struggled in the areas she did or does and we certainly have had way more positive experiences with ALL of our adopted children than she has ( and just figuring the statistics of that it is amazing).
She also chooses to sign off her posts in ways to me that seem flipant and uncaring to anyone elses differing opinions... She will say , "Don't bother replying or flaming me" Which makes readers think "Only what she feels is important" and Only what she has experienced is important. She also will sign her posts , "Blessings to all of you! :0 We are blessed to be a blessing, and it has been my genuine blessing-to share this journey of faith with you! Rev. -----
Again I don't doubt her faith or her Rev. credentials at all... I just expressed that I feel offended when someone who signs there "job" title on a support group as well as, are we suppose to throw some form of credibility towards her words because she is a pastor. I just think if you are sharing the way that she wrote about adoption it would be a much better witness and reality to not have this on your post. I am not saying that she should not share her experiences which have been very horrible...not at all. Families who are beginning to adopt should hear and know about all families experiences... and we ALL have diff. ones. Some of us have been blessed to not go thru the struggles like other families have. I would never generalize that everyone has to "do it my way" or that ALL orphans are like my children...
Now as to why I am even addressing this.... This person publicly attacked me and my family on a very large yahoo group. I realize that this woman is hurting and needs help... We have prayed for her and I have even shared my phone number and time with her. I will not allow someone who is a Rev. or any other title spew her poison at me or my husband or my children... You may be in a state of depression, despair and pain but that does not give you the right to say the things you did. My husband and I have been childhood sweethearts and have been married only to each other ever- now for 33 almost 34 yrs... We do not hoard orphans we happily and sometimes painfully give birth to all of our children either thru my own womb or our hearts....We are a family who happens to function well as a large, mega family called by the Lord to love especially orphans but all children. If we do "explode" it is with joy and fulfillment at doing the Lord's will. I also never even think of "herding" my children thru their class day... I am also a certified- home school teacher with a BS college degree. I do not "handle" my children but help them to learn, expressing themselves as the valued children of the Lord's that they are... I would prefer if you did not pray for us or even bother "thinking" up suggestions to our lives... We are a functional family who has our struggles but we have a strong church, family and others who support us.. and most importantly a strong faith that we are doing just what the Lord called us to do. I don't run on adrenaline - my love comes unending from the only giver of this type of love- JESUS . Nothing manmade or emotional- He alone can share this type of love with anyone who asks and then maybe you would be able to understand How we love ALL of these children.
11 comments:
Now seriously. My partner and I have adopted 4 children nd we have three other children, and the only one with RAD is... actually me (back when I was a child it was only referred to as abnormal attachment pattern). My sister adopted three from three different countries, all of who show some RAD symptoms.We can never know what baggage our children will bring with themselves.
Like my eldest adopted son would pretty much go nuts in your family. I adopted him from a disruption and his previous family had 14 kids: more than what his orphanage in Hungary did. The adult:child ratio in the family was worse than in the home where P had the same caregivers for 7 years, with a dedicated caregiver for every 2 children. Yet there are some children who will thrive in a mega family like yours, including some of those who might have some attachment issues: it's sometimes easier for them in a large family.
The word ALL is a tricky one. It can be correctly used when saying, "Hevel ate ALL the cornflakes in the box and didn't leave any for Kevin, so he had to eat oatmeal." Or, "ALL people are created in G-d's likeness and image." Or maybe even "ALL is a nighty disease." But generalizing, in general, will result in untruths.
I hope you experience wonderful blessings today and please don't give her the power to get you done.
Hevel Ben Benyamin Gavriel, translator, documentation and implementation team leader and service center supervisor
wow Jeane, that was some post. I'm sorry there is this kind of thing going on in your life.
I love your family, and ofter strive for our family to be more like yours. What a total, life changing blessing you have been to all of these children!
And you're right! I sure would like to have your kiddos be MY kiddos....especially you-know-who :)
Amen!! Keep up the good work!! Jeane, I know your heart and it is VERY clear because it is shining through on all of those faces. They are orphans no more! My sister always says......... hurt people, hurt people. So, very sad!! You are doing an amazing thing and being blessed!
BTW, orphan hoarder is an incorrect term, as your children are orphans no more.
Oh Jeane, I am so sorry! :(
A few years back, I had somebody attack me too, calling me imbalanced and in need of HER counsel! LOL
She was emailing me and her husband even did so too, somehow telling me I needed to come to them.... Gave me the creeps.
It is so unsettling, especially when those who Claim Christ, hurt us.
The Love you have for your children is undying, unending and lasting, just like the love you and your husband share for each other, because it comes from the Lord.
I have met a few people who do not care to hear good stories of adoption. They thrive on the bad.
Somehow energy is gained from the bad.
We dealt with SOME RAD issues, when our first daughter was home, but I hate the term RAD anyway, because it is some sort of a buzz work that means stay away. When in fact, it just means your child has been REALLY hurt.
I believe the Lord gave us direction in how to raise her, and today, she is a bright, happy, sweet little girl. Not everybody is happy about that. They may not even believe that it is true.
It doesn't just have to do with adoption either.
Today, at our homeschool soccer, a woman, who is in a leadership role began to spew hatred about families that "seem" to get along... "that seem to have happy kids" etc..... then she went on about some large family on TV .....etc. etc.
I sensed a real jealousy in her heart.
Today was not the day to address it, though I did come to the defense of large families... by talking about YOURS! LOL
"I don't know of this TV family, but I DO know about my friend Jeane on the east coast and then I shared.... and ..... she lost interest.
That is what I mean about people who thrive on the negative.
Unfortunately, I have ran into this far more often than I care to share.
But you hit a nerve today. :)
Your family is awesome. You are awesome! WHY? Because Christ REIGNS supreme!
HE gets all the glory!
Raising children is HARD work. But it is joyful, and rewarding, and oh how I LOVE IT!
I do pray that the Lord brings more children to us. For now, he has said no. But I have this feeling that we are not done. :)
And you can tell this woman or REV or whatever she is from me:
If a person is going to "collect or hoard" something.... at least you picked something of value! You picked wisely. Kids don't collect dust! You can only have so many beanie babies. :)
She is obviously a very unhappy, discontented person. Unfortunately, I've met a lot of "Christians" like her. Sometimes, I act unChristian too. But to attack a family~ to want someone else to be miserable because you are~ is just evil at work. I'm going through things like this at work. One of my student's mother has spewed hateful, untrue things about me on her Facebook wall and all over the small town where I teach. This woman's mother, the grandma, sends negative messages to my principal. She doesn't believe these things, but says she "has to ask". Things like this could undermine my credibility as a teacher, but everyone there assures me that no one in that town listens to this negative woman or her mother.
I have a feeling that most of the people that read your harasser's posts feel the same way. The few that believe her, are like her. I hate that you're facing this abuse. You have a beautiful family and heart. I look at your pictures and I honestly do wish they were in my family~ or at least close enough to meet IRL. :)
Oh, Jeane, I am so sorry you are being attacked in such an ugly way! I have to tell you, after reading your post, I was very upset and angered at that Rev.! I know it is not Christian to be angered and to judge others but what she said to you really woke up the momma Bear in me! Please, don't allow her to hurt you. I wish I could face her and tell her all the wonderful things I KNOW about your family. I wish I could shake her and tell her that ALL can only be used in one sense - that JESUS died for ALL of US, including her adopted children. In ALL other cases, "ALL" just doesn't count and is wrong to be used.
I love you and I am with you!!!
Toni
Wow, it breaks my heart to hear someone saying such nasty things about your family. Unfortunately, Satan uses all kinds to try to break us down and doubt ourselves. We live in a fallen world where those who take care of the fatherless and who are doing God's will are made targets. Just stay strong in the Lord and know that He is blessing you and your children immensely...and ultimately HIS is the only opinion that matters. :)
Just curious, can this person be banned from the yahoo group? Negative or hurtful comments should not be allowed in those forums...as it should only be for constructive dialogue, not attacks or mean-spirited commentary.
Take care and keep your chin up!
Tami
So sorry but can relate. My "attacker" came from my own family. I think that hurt more than anything. I think with adoption you just learn to take the opinion of others with a grain of salt. I know our lifestyle isn't for everyone. We have 7, in process for 3 more. For the record, we have 2 with RAD. Dealing w/ a RADish is beyond hard. Emotionally, you tend to lash out at those around you. Took me awhile to find the balance of that. I think this is what the lady may be doing...looking for that balance but just can't find it & is lashing out at someone who has had success. I'll be honest, I was angry when I was trying to "heal" my two w/ RAD. All the successful adoption stories made me feel less of a mother. Maybe that is some of what she is experiencing. I don't know. Only a guess. All I know is I enjoy reading what your family is up to. Hope all is sorted out soon. Best wishes. Stephanie
I am just now reading this, but so glad I did! I adore hearing all about your family! You are an awesome mama, and it shows in your posts and the faces of your children!! I wish I lived next door!
I hate the labels that come with adoption! Out of my 9 children, with 4 having been adopted, our biggest issues by far are with our oldest bio son! He doesn't even have the excuse of a bad beginning, or RAD!
When you're scared and hurting you want to see someone else there too! Each journey is different! She needs to reach out to Gos holding on tight to Him! It is between her and God, not you and her!
If you are indeed an "orphan hoarder", then call me a "pseudo orphan hoarder" because I want to be just like you my friend!!!
I have yet to find a verse in the Bible that puts a limit on how many children a family should have, nor have I read one that says "once you've done ____, you've done enough and should stop". The verses that talk about caring for orphans and the least of these does not say to do it once or that after a set amount of time, you should stop. Nor do I see you "hoarding" anyone/anything, because in my mind, someone that "hoards" something holds on to it and never lets it go. You are raising your children so that they can go and live productive lives in the world. You aren't holding on to them and keeping them for your personal satisfaction. In fact, you're doing the direct opposite. You have already given them back to The One that can truly give them life.
Thank you for sharing all the photos of your beautiful children! I am so very thankful that you and Paul continue to walk in obedience to The Only One who's opinion truly matters! I'm praying for your current adoption and look forward to watching your family continue to grow!
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