Falling In Love

I was wondering what to share tonite and decided to go thru our pictures of our first trip to Bulgaria when we met Gracie and Andrew....Here is a picture collection of me falling in love with this sweet and precious one....
I loved you from the first time I saw your face and your tiny little body... I love how you prefer the left side of the person holding you and to sit sort of high up ( even though it is harder to hold you).. I love that you have preferences....

I love how you want to suck your thumb and will try your hardest to .....even though you know you will get slapped for it after we leave... you know how much comfort you get from it and kept trying .....

I love how you explore your face with your fingers...even how you play with your eyes...those unusual and very blue eyes....

I love your deep, black, curly, thick hair and even the way you smell. I love your tiny, little feet and so can't wait to see you eat and gain weight.

I love how you kick your foot when I would slow down to make me go faster... I love your sounds...the air blowing... even your "niece" Ava knows what sound you make when you are happy and she does it all the time to make her "Nana" smile......

I love your smile and your laughter....especially when you knew you were in your daddy's arms... I even cry for the time when we will hear that again....

I love how content you are holding your daddy's hand and sucking your thumb.... Oh my "Danko" as your little orphanage mates shouted when we passed them we are coming back soon and we love you.

One of our adult children's view about adoption

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Adoption: My Foundation
It is no secret that I have had a unique front row seat of the miracle of adoption within my own family experience.My first adopted sister, Lily, came home to us from Russia when she was only two years old. She is now an abnormally silly 10 year old full of life and laughter and spunk!She loves for me to tell (and retell!) the story of the moment I first met her:I had wondered in my heart and mind if I could really love my new adopted sister and brothers. I had seen pictures. Cute pictures. Cute kids. But would it be the same feeling as I felt for my biological siblings?I was in charge of the rest of the house and younger siblings while my parents were in Russia finalizing the adoption of Lily, Isaac, and Jacob. We would hear updates and read emails during the time they were gone...letting us know how things were going.Finally. The day came. We headed off to the airport to pick up Mom and Dad and our new siblings. I remember sitting at the airport with so many butterflies in my stomach that I thought I might throw up.Finally. The plane landed. Passengers started to trickle in to the waiting terminal.Finally. I saw them. All five of them.I instantly burst into tears.I instantly loved them.Loved. Loved them.I remember taking tiny Jacob's hand (he was so small then and wearing a backpack that was as big as he was!) and walking through the airport holding his hand and being overwhelmed with the feeling of love for him. I remember Isaac (who looked just like Frodo!) staring at me with his big brown eyes. I remember Lily, so little and adorable with her crossed eyes and tumble of dark brown curls.What a moment.A foundational moment that shaped me, my faith, and my views on adoption.

This was on our daughter, Jenn's blog today.... Here is a link to her blog... make sure you read the post under this one about God's provision in their adoption of our next grand babies from Ethiopia . It makes my heart sing to share in this adoption journey with one of our older children who have felt the same love placed in their hearts for adoption.
http://www.thehambrickfamily.blogspot.com/

more questions answered.....for some reason the blog dropped... so it is going backwards :)

5. How do you manage individual time with each of the children?

It is difficult and lots of times just does not happen. However the kids never mind. Each one does get to go out to breakfast with just momma and daddy on their b-day. We often go out with just one or 2 or 3 or a zilliion :) Often we have a teen or 2 on our bed at nite just wanting to talk... I do go over school work with each one at least once a week by themselves... to be honest though they might like more one on one but they don't seem to . Maybe just being in this large family without more one on one time is just wonderful to them and just what they want.... I have not seen really any of them "needing" it by their behaviors. Usually if they are acting up ... some time in my cozy chair or on my lap in a rocker helps.

6. How does one ever afford 50,000 dollars to adopt overseas?

One never does... or at least we do not. For all 19 of our adoptions we have had to be obedient to the Lord's call and step out in faith. We have not ever done any fundraising for the adoptions... we are not against anyone doing that at all. Just the Lord has not ever asked us to yet. When we have said yes to the adoption the Lord has provided... and it has been an amazing journey to have been asked to be a part of. It also has helped that Paul works for a company that has a 10,000 per child, per adoption benefit. So when we have adopted 5 children at once ... about 4 weeks after they came home we were reimbursed 50,000 dollars by his company as long as we had receipts to show we had spent that much... for that adoption the total was 53,000. So for our 5 children it cost us only 3,000... now we have to come up with that full amount at first but we know that we will be reimbursed some. It also does help if you want to ... to adopt more than one at once and we have been able to get some grant money for some of our kids adoptions .

Thank you for the kind words... ladybug....It is really all to the Lord's glory that we can inspire. Thank you.

7. Do you have trouble finding a social worker to approve your adoptions? Especially the adoptions of 2 children at once?

We have never had any issues with our social workers or agencies approving us to adopt. We have used several diff. agencies and several social workers as well... so we can't be accused of having an "in" with the social worker. We have even had one ask if she could move in with us ? We actually have heard of many of our children through our social workers or agencies when they were trying to find a family to adopt this child that no one wanted.... so we feel honored that they would ask us... and you know the best part ...we are so greatful to the Lord that no one wanted them....because the children the Lord have brought to us have been a blessing and then some.

The number of children we have been approved for has not been an issue as well. Our home has the space, has passed all of our state's requirements and then some. We are able financially to adopt and always the social workers have approved us for the number we needed to be. Even last year when we adopted 5 children at once from Ukraine. Now the USCIS have scrutinized us but that was ok too... except for the time when they lied... but in the end we got to adopt our 5 from Ukriane... because the Lord wanted us to.

8. Things you feel should be present in a home to not only raise a large family but to adopt more than one.

I would not say it is about "things" but about your heart and your faith. At least that is the only way we can do what we do. Our heart is full of love given to us by the Lord. I could not get thru my day if I did not have this love placed in my heart for my family. There has to be forgiveness because we all will make mistakes and need to be forgiven....a commitment to serving the Lord...because our life is intense. That is the best word that describes our family... intense feelings of frustration at times, intense feelings of overcoming the past and overcoming what we were born with in our sometimes not perfect bodies, but always intense feelings of love... shared thru our deep faith.

Some questions answered ......

Some of you have written some questions and I will attempt to answer as best as I can. I will answer in them in no special order just how they came to me....

1. How many bedrooms so you have?

We have 8 bedrooms... now 2 of them are more like dorm rooms. Our original house had 5 good size bedrooms and we have done 3 separate additions. One was a lg. room 20 by 25 for Mary Kate when she was an unwed single mom. It has been divided into a smaller room which was for Ava her daughter and a lg. walk in closet. ( when we get old it will probably become our bedroom because it is on the main floor and Ava's room can be converted into a bath.) Then we did another addition by converting our garage into a 3d family room. We added a 3 car garage and over it is our 2nd dorm room....it is 900 sq feet . This is a huge room and it also has a very large bathroom... that has a tub and shower and another separate shower.. double sinks and tolite.. and lots of mirrors. It is ours girls bathroom :)
Our home has 5,000sq .... and it is very comfortable for as many as we have... the Lord has provided well for us and we are grateful for his provision.

2. Do any of your children really struggle with being in a lg. family?

No, all of them are very supportive and love being in such a large family. Even our bio. children . Some of our older, adult children are more involved in the family than others... mostly due to where they live or that they are busy with their own family. If we are out of the country for an adoption or at the hospital for an extended time with one of the kids for surgery like Mya's next week... they all are there if need be. I think that Ben who was our last bio. child (before we adopted the last 16 or 18 ) has had the most adjustments since he was the baby of the family for so long... I am planning an interview with him for one of my posts this month... so stayed tuned for more on this. Overall though it has been very positive transition for all.

3. Does Abraham live on his own or at home?

He lives with us. He was beaten as an infant in his orphanage in Mexico. He had both of his legs broken and his body was in a full body cast after the beating. He is blind and suffered some brain damage due to the beating or being shaken... so he can not live independently. He is fully supported by us... we do not even collect his social security benenfits yet ( It looks better when the USCIS questions us and others too.. that we can and are able to fully support all of these children without getting any gov't help). Although in the future we may. He is on our health insurance plan... but is probably the healthiest one of us. If something happens to us we have a will and guardianship papers for him and a trust fund. Our older kids want to have him live with them if something should happen to us....

4. Have you ever considered other countries to adopt from other than the ones you have adopted from ?

Yes. but we are not really country specific... meaning we are child specific. We just hear about a child or children and then pray.. it does not matter what country they are in.

??? Questions???

For this post I would like to invite anyone who would like to ask a question to go ahead... I will answer them in a post on the blog and not just in the comments.

This group of kids were the only ones home and they helped get the questions started and shared some of their answers too..

1. Why adopt from another country and not the US ?

Because there are not as many kids in the US. There is more of a chance for the kids to die in other countries. America has better programs and more money to help the kids here. The other countries do not care like they do here. Often in the other countries the orphans are the lowest of the low and no one there cares.....

Those were the answers from the kids... I agree with all of their answers and will add mine. Some of what we have observed in the other countries is criminal... and people would be held accountable for it in the US... Now we have done fostercare to adopt here... and we were not impressed with our system either... kids are kids ...no matter where they come from... and all children need a momma and daddy and a family to love them. I am not at all against adopting from the US. We just have been "called" to adopt the children we have . Maybe in the future we will adopt from the US.

2. Why do you adopt so many?

Alot of children need a momma and a daddy. You have a big heart for us. Because you love children and want to help them. Because God wants you to. The more kids you have the more joy you have and we know that God blesses you.

I love how they see us... and they are right. The Lord has again moved in our hearts to adopt this many. We have a deep, commited and strong faith... we believe that children are a gift from the Lord. We also believe James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this : to look after orphans..... We are also very pro life and believe all life is precious... so we have a heart for the special needs child.... None of this is out of a duty, or an obligation because we feel we are earning our way into Heaven...no this is a pure and delightful journey we have been on... one that gives us as much joy and happiness as the children. These children are the very breath of life to my husband and I... as long as we feel there is another child we can help we will keep adopting... unless the Lord tells us otherwise.

Older or teen adoption

I wanted to write about older or even teen adoption today. This video shares 5 of our teen girls and some of their insights about adoption. We have 11 teenagers... 9 who were adopted and one is our bio. son, Ben. We have adopted 8 older kids ..who were age 11 or older when they came home...We have also adopted a 7 yr old, and 9 yr old and a 5 yr old - some people would call this age an older child adoption as well. We have a total of 12 girls and 10 boys ( not counting Gracie and Andrew yet).

We have found the adoption of older kids to be very rewarding and different than the adoption of younger children. One of the bigger issues that takes longer with the older kids is the language aquistion. It takes the older ones longer than the younger ones to learn the new language. Although it is amazing how quickly they all learn . We have seen all of our younger children not retain they first language which was Russian. Our older kids though are fluent in both languages... we have so much Russian spoken that hinders the english to be learned but it has allowed them to keep their knowledge of the Russian which we are grateful for.

Teaching them about our culture, what a family is like and how different it is than an orphanage are some of the issues we have dealt with... there has been lifestyle of revenge in the orphanage( a skill learned to often just take care of yourself there). For example when Jonas would run up to me and accidently step on my foot ... he would offer his foot for me to step on... while in Ukraine I would tease him and do it ever so gently... but once home he would try and I said," No here we are a family and we forgive... he had a hard time learning that he did not have to protect himself by this action. Another area we have worked in is personal hygiene. Most of them did not have very good habits about cleaning or keeping themselves clean, teeth brushed, hair brushed, changing clothes, or throwing their tolite paper in the tolite and not the trash. They usually make their beds well and keep stuff organized ...probably learned this in the orphanage. Teaching them things actually has been a way for us to bond and it gives us an excuse to invade our "space" so it has helped with our bonding. We had lice one time when Cate, Leah and Joseph came home.... it was bad and every nite for months I had to "nit Pic"...it was a great time for me and the girls though... they were worried I would cut their hair.. but it gave me an opportunity to touch and go thru their hair ... teens are thought not to want physical touch... but we have found the opposite. Especially with our older adopted children... they seem not to get enough of our touch.... I will often take them on my lap and rock or they love when we are out shopping to wrap their arms in mine as we walk.... even some of the boys are like that too.... Watching them learn that they are capable of learning because some of our kids were told the opposite... seeing them discover the joy of learning and reading has been a blessing.

One huge thing that we just love about these older, adopted ones is if we discipline them... and at times it can be intense during this time... as soon as it is over... they want to make our relationship mended... they do not want to be seperated because of a negative behavior... they forgive, forget and want to love or be loved very quickly... which is how I think it should be for all of us...

Our transitions into our family have gone very well... I do think mostly because of the homeschooling ( we are together 24/7) and have lots of opportunity to bond, grow and learn about each other....

We have been blessed with these older children in our lives and have had such positive experiences with the older, child adoptions that we would like to encourage others to at least open their hearts to these kids.... there is an even bigger need to adopt the older child... as the girls shared it is horrible for them in their orphanges and after they have to leave to the streets many times.. at the age of 16,17 and 18. I will share statistics in another post... but roughly one third get back into an institution like prison, or support themselves thru prostitution or commit suicide.... when we were talking today , Cate started to cry.... and when asked her response was," I know what it would have been like and I think about those I left behind."

Please watch... and have your eyes opened... it is hard to watch I warn you.

This was a video we have watched many times here... it is a difficult one to watch. It is reality for lots of children in orphanages. Many people do not like to watch things like this... I take a different perspective and that is why I am sharing it with you. I think the orphans need a voice , they need to be remembered even if it is difficult to think that is how they are being treated by caregivers who are suppose to feed them enough food, gently care for them, and watch over them.... these orphanages can be places of abuse, starvation, no stimulation, no gentleness given, and places where the children die . Paul and I have been in many orphanages from Mexico, Russia , Ukraine and Bulgaria... there have been some that are better than others but none are very good. For whatever reason, children are not valued enough by some gov'ts to even provide food, medical care, or an eduacation. If you look, my older teens made one observation in the videos..... most of the caregivers are heavy... like they are getting enough food to eat... but most of the children look emaciated. This is a very sad orphanage ( one that has since been closed ) but to be honest we saw some of these conditions or our children have mentioned these same experiences as they saw in the video. I personally do not know how one can watch and not have an emotional as well as spiritual reaction to the plight of these orphans... these children need us... many are dying even without someone shedding any tears for them....imagine how it must feel to just give up and give in to the constant boredom that these poor children experience... we would all go crazy . I have no doubt that the 2 little girls beside Dancho will become unresponsive, emaciated and deathlike in just a few years...... just like he was when we first met him.....no one seems to care for these little ones.... and we all must. I love this verse in the Bible.....Proverbs 24:12 Once our eyes are opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to ACT. Consider this .... your eyes are now open and you can't pretend not to know how these precious ones are living...... ACT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxPoEs8X7YI&feature=related