Saturday, April 19, 2014

Intense - I choose Jesus

Here is a figurine that I have on my dresser...Notice the heads of the couple embracing are knocked off ? This happened the last nite of a tough week for us....lots of attacks and issues that were unexpected out of the blue. Our daughter, Olivia ( age 22 ) decided to leave and start her life as an adult without any communication with us about her plans at all. When she left she stole one of our cars, influenced a younger sibling in a negative way, took advantage of many people as she has tried to live "her life", hurt deeply all of her siblings, and cause a great amount of pain in the hearts of those who loved her....We had another older child of ours who has already moved away to act in a very violent and threatening way that we have never seen him be...both of these older children who are now adults were adopted as an older adopted teen. Olivia was our oldest child adopted and only was able to be adopted past the age of 16 because she had younger siblings we adopted with her. Both of these children have a lot of very dark and bad history that we knew about when we decided to adopt them...I have shared Jonas's story before but , I have not shared Olivia's. Both have had many struggles that we have worked thru and they still have many they deal with...Now why am I sharing so openly about these 2 ? I advocate a lot for the adoption of older kids mostly because of our experiences with adopting this age children. I still continue to try to help the older children find families because even thru the tough times it is worth it. All of our adopted children had very negative lives before they were adopted involving many issues that most children do not deal with ever in their lives. Many of children even bio. have rebelled and are in diff. walks than we ever thought they would be in. Just because this has happened or they are where they are does not mean we love them any less or stop caring about them...Just some we have to love from afar during this season of our lives and theirs. 

I have often shared that the one word that best describes our life is " Intense ". I rarely share here about the things Paul and I deal with but , often life runs fast and swift with lots to deal with...I was talking with a friend last week about these 2 children and after she told me , " Call me anytime if you ever need me. " I said, " I did this time. " I also said, " Paul and I have been married for over 37 yrs and we have dated for over 42. We have been dealing with intense living for most of these years and we have set up our life by our own choosing. We have been hurt by many people, churches, and let down often but we have never been hurt or let down by the Lord. We know who to run to in times of need, and times of intense living....Jesus Christ has gotten us thru every time . I have my quiet time and read usually a few devotions along with the Bible...This one that I read was just one of the many ways God has been there for me. It is from Jesus Calling. 

Trusting Me is a moment by moment choice. When things go well, when we see God working we trust easily. This type of trust flows readily within us, requiring no exertion of our will. When things go wrong, our trust-flow slows down. We are forced  to choose between trusting God intentionally or rebelling : even resenting his ways with us. We have a choice, a fork in the road. Stay on the path of Life with Jesus, enjoying His Presence...choosing to trust Him in all circumstances. 

So this is where I try to live in...Trusting Jesus with our intense life and the lives of those in our family. So when we have been given the opportunity to love another child as our own we trust...we trust in God. I hope to be able to share soon some very joyful news about our family.

I love this picture...When I walked downstairs Friday morning this is how I found, Lila. I bent over and asked her if she was in trouble, or upset ? She smiled back at me and said, " No , I am just praying. " So even though we live an intense life here sometimes...even my children know who to turn to and what to day....Pray.

The figurine used to have both it's heads...then I bumped the dresser and it fell knocking the head of the man off...We laughed about it especially since Paul and I were arguing a lot that week...then the head was glued back on. It stayed that way until a few weeks ago...when I bumped it again and it fell...I saw the woman's head roll off and under the bed and the man's went under the dresser. I just sat on the floor laughing uncontrollably at the sight of the figurine without it's head..I love the Lord's sense of humor. We could have been like a couple with our heads knocked off with the tough life we had just walked that week...but instead we have chosen to continue to follow Jesus and let Him be our glue that holds us together when times get tough. Thank God our children are also turning to Him.

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