Saturday, October 31, 2009

I am struggling ...May I share why?

Earlier this week we heard we got our court date... and that was a praise. One I should be able to be rejoicing about...and I am for the most part very happy that we will be having court soon for Andrew and Gracie. However, it has not come without a struggle and I am so tired of this struggle... Let me explain

When we first met Dancho it was in Nov. of 2008... we fell in love with this sweet and precious one just from his picture. So we prayed about adopting him and felt very led to adopt... we sent our intent letter in Dec.. and decided we also wanted to adopt a second child... we heard of Gracie in Jan. 2009 and we began our process to adopt both of these children in Feb... Now whenever we adopt we are on top of our paperwork and get it all done in a very quick time.. our agencies know we do this part fast... to us it only makes sense to do it this way because we know what the conditons are like for these children in even "good" orphanages... you can say we have been there and seen many orphanages in the 24 yrs we have been adopting.....

There were small bumps along the way as there always are... things like finding the pysch. doctor, waiting on the I800A approval and all.... we have all been there and done that too. Some of us more than others.... then we traveled for our first trip to visit the kids which Bulgaria requires... it was a wonderful trip and also very difficult to leave them but in all honesty I felt we would be back sooner than later.....

Well in July Bulgaria had new elections... and things were changed for adoptions some....again we have been there done this one too.... sometimes at a huge detriment to our ability to adopt... we have lost children and not been able to adopt, or our expenses were way more than they needed to be or our adoptions have been delayed while the new regeim made changes in their laws or new people came into office......

Our experience has once again been filled with changes ... now they have been ones we can deal with but also ones that have greatly frustrated the heck out of us....

We came home and immediately filled our I800 application with all the necessary documents... that went well and the NBC were great in expediting our documents. This group of the Hague process really does seem to care that a child/children are languishing in deplorable conditions and want to help... especially they were taken with our Dancho's condition. Then it was sent on to the NVC which processes your child's visas request... they took longer than some other previous families and were not as caring or willing to help as the NBC. Finally our paperwork was sent on to the US embassy in Sofia.... it was sent on 9/9/09. We again requested it to be expedited because of Dancho's condition... which was supported with a doctor's letter....In the previous cases for adoption the consular often signed off this part of the documents in just one day... especially for a special needs child with a health condition like Dancho.

However, this is where my time of frustration began.... the consular got our documents for provisional filing and was either to busy or wanted extra documents ( which Toni and AAC our agency was able to get to him asap the next day)... when given the requested docs. we were told he was "too busy" to sign them... this was on 9/14 and 15... then we get this update from our lawyer in Bulgaria,

" Today I received another callfrom the US Embassy and this time they requested the same information butfor one of my other families who are ahead of you and who already arethrough the provisional filing. I have no idea why they want all thisinformation but I provided it to them. They said they want everything tobe transparent and that they request the same thing from all of theBulgarian adoption agencies. According to their promise, your Lettershould be issued after they receive the info from me on the other family."

Now we are feeling discriminated against and our case is being held up because the US consular decided he wanted to change this process for adoptive families and we felt this was unfair to our children..... we complained and even contacted our congressperson, Sen. Rockefeller' office... this did nothing at all to help... actually we finally got the letters and signature on 9/23 and they were then authenticated and dropped off at the MOJ on 9/28,29. Again our attorney, Toni was told by the lawyer there it would be expedited because of Dancho's condition....," I have already talked to the MOJ'sattorney and he himself offered me to expedite your case. He knows thatDancho is very special needs and he is willing to do his best to have thecase sent to the court asap." It was signed by the MOJ minister on 10/16 and suppose to go to the court the following week.. it was at court later the next week and we were given a court date of 11/17... which is wonderful news... but

Because of the new law and the changes it now has added some extra time to the second part of the process... first the passport change which we are all aware of and adds to our time when we pick the kids up... second it is now 14 days for the court decree to be final before it was just 7... and the bio. parents have to be contacted and made aware of this... even though there parental rights were taken ( because that is the only way we could be adopting now)... we are not sure how this will play out. The US embassy consular stated that he will no longer sign the provisional letters like it was done before... it will take a minimum of 10 days for his signature....


The holidays are fast approaching... and with all of these changes we now will not be able to pick up our children until January! I do not care about getting them home for a b-day like some or even getting them home for Christmas... in all reality it would make for more chaos to bring them home before.... BUT they and especially Dancho is not healthy and we lost 2 plus weeks because of the power struggle with the embassy consular, and another week because of the new law and who knows how much more if the judge requires their bio. parents to be notified.

I am so upset by all of this and all the new changes and surprises... we get all of our paperwork done quickly even when we have not had a child like Dancho... why can't the authorities do the same... even when they say they will.... We have been in the adoption arena for 25 yrs...we have done fostercare to adopt and we have adopted almost 19 children... and I HATE this ugly head of not caring, power struggle that some get into when it comes to a child's fate. How can you be to busy just to sign a paper? Who is anymore busier than me with 24 children and homeschooling... I do it because a child is worth it... and it gets done yesterday if I can.... Sorry but this news just makes me sorrow so... that some people just do not get it.... a child is worth it and then some.

14 comments:

soontobemomof9 said...

Jeanne, he does so need to come home! Both of them do!

I have never gotten how "government officals" are SO busy! What do they work? 40 hours a week? Weekends and holidays off? My husband works 60 plus hours every week. Only Sundays off, usually. No holidays off! I am the fulltime mom to 7. We get our stuff done! What do they do?????

I am praying your little ones home!

As you said, a child is worth so much, and more! They need to "get their butts in high gear" and work because compassion and caring, not the time clock!

Hevel said...

Your family and Andrew and Gracie especially.

Our agency has been trying to convince us to abandon Bulgaria and go for one of the Baltic countries because of the same changes you mentioned.

mommajeane said...

It is so difficult to wait especially after we know how Dancho was treated in his orphanage... I mentioned he has what the caregivers are calling "auto agressive" behaviors.. we call it, "just being slapped becasue you were slapped" when your thumb accidentily went in your mouth. With us and we allowed him to suck some on his thumb he stopped doing it...we saw him being roughly thrown into his crib, and we also saw what they are giving him to eat... not enough... which is one reason why he lost over a lb. last spring... I wonder what he weighs now? One illness could take his life easily...he does not have the strength to fight much anymore....I guess because of what we saw in Bulgaria the orphans need help so much compared to some of the other orphanages we have been in other countries...and actually for us the timeframe is going way faster than some other families... but we will see how they compare to us when they get to this point...we are ahead of some families and behind others...I know of one family who did their first trip in May and returned in August for their child...I am trying to have a peace about it so thanks for your prayers.

Mike and Christie said...

Oh that is soooo frustrating...
I am so sorry. I know how your heart must be hurting.

When we were in Ukraine, they passed a new law that said the bio parents had to be notified and sign off on our adoption. SO, there we were waiting and had to change our court date because the bio parents had to be located and she was almost 8. At first they denied having a daughter, then said she was dead and then finally agreed to go the notory, not to mention they were divorced and had to go together. Our translator said she was scared to death.

Consulars are supposed to HELP us. It is amazing how those who are in positions of trust, breach it in such an uncaring manner.

When we were adopting Anna, the paper work was taking forever, so everytime we inquired in writing, or sent paperwork somewhere, we attached a business card with her photo on it, so she wasn't just another piece of paper. It took 10 months for paperwork to get from Ok City to Dallas. (a 3 hour drive)
It was CRAZY! So, when I would call, I'd say, hers is the paperwork sitting in your pile with the picture of the little blond headed girl. You'd be surprised how they'd say, "Oh yea, I remember that picture.", and it made it easier for them to dig through the paperwork.

Awwww. I sure do pray this time goes fast. It has been TOOOO long for a little one to lay in crib.

wvamom said...

I am so sorry for your frustration! Especially when it is our own government holding things up! Between the time we adopted our first and second sons from Guatemala the laws changed, and the requirements got tougher, and the process took longer. I fretted over our youngest's son's difficulty in bonding with us, due to his being older when he came home. I was particularly frustrated with our own BCIS. So I can identify with you. And yet, our children were not in danger of sickness or death from lack of care. I'm praying that you get a break on your timeline.

Carolyn

relying on God said...

Praying for you and your kids!

MamaPoRuski said...

So hard to let your children suffer because of paper pushers! So want to help and encourage you! Be strong and courageous, be not dismayed neither be afraid, because the Lord your God is with you wherever you go! He is not surprised and has a plan. Praying for continued health and protection for the kids; wisdom and peace for you!

Leslie said...

I'm so sorry for your frustration. This is a righteous anger though and God knows and sees your struggle. We will pray for the children and your family as you wait on God to make the paths straight.

Kathleen said...

So sorry to hear about all the delays and frustrations. I'm guessing everyone says their adoption needs expiditing for a variety of reasons. Afterall, we want all these kids to get home as soon as possible, but then that probably means that the officials just ignore such requests and figure it is just another impatient American family. Unfortunately, it seems that these aren't really children to them, just another piece of paper. I will pray that things will move quickly so you can have these two precious children home with you.

mommajeane said...

Actually you are correct most parents want the child home but most families are not adopting the kids with the health needs that we have... some have needed to have immediate heart surgery just to live and in Dancho's case he is severally malnourished to the point even 2 doctors feel he is critical... so I agree but not all orphans are as ill as he is. Gracie on the other hand is healthy for the most part and so we do not mention her as much...but Dancho is weak and would not easily survive even the flu... thus our concern for expediting his case.

Kathleen said...

I agree that he needs to come home as soon as possible. Just saying that the officials might not bother to read enough about him to realize that. Actually, it is too bad that the whole process has to be so slow and difficult for all the children. For that matter, it is sad that there are so many waiting children. The problem is so huge and overwhelming. Thank you for doing something about it - again and again and again.

mommajeane said...

Kathleen... thanks for your prayers. I have had the same argument given to me when we were adopting Luke from our I600A processing office... and I gave her back the same thoughts. I wish all kids could come home sooner than later... because it is a horrid place for most all of them.

Mike and Gail said...

Praying with you.

smctiver said...

Hi Jeane,

I have been away from your blog for a while because of computer glithes. I am so sorry to hear of the unnecessary delays in getting Dancho & Gracie home. I will be saying some big prayers for your family and also for Mya's upcoming surgery.

We are still holding hope that we will be able to adopt our two boys from Uzbekistan. We are working with an aid group to provide some support directly to their orphanage. If things work out with this aid group, we will have a long-term relationship and I know that many children will benefit at the boys' orphanage.

Praying for all of you!

Shari