Sunday, November 15, 2009

The Day of Birth -Birthdays for my children

Today was Tia's 13 b-day. We celebrated and here is a picture of her tonite with the desserts she chose for her birthday. We ate spaghetti , salad, corn and Texas toast for her dinner- she picked it.
I often think about the birth mom of my adopted children on their b-days. I wonder if they are still alive and if they are, do they have moments of wondering where their child is... or how their child is doing? I know I love birthdays... and we have lots of them. To me everyone's gets celebrated... and that person is special for the day. I think of my own bio. children, Laura Jeane, Jennifer, Molly, Mary Kate and Benjamin's birth.... I loved being pregnant, even the birth experience for me was "wonderful" about 20 minutes later if I was talking to you on the phone and holding my newborn... I loved nursing and mothering them... I have a huge and deep desire to give love to my children and almost never do I feel a lack of joy or fulfillment in being a mother..... so it makes me think if my children born from adoption mom's have thoughts about them on thier b-days. Some of our children we do not know if their birth mom is still alive... some we know are dead and some are still living....some of the children never even knew their moms and some wish they never had.... all of their life experiences though have made them who they are and the Lord will use all of them for the glory of God. I know that Tia's mom ( also Rachel and Olivia's mom - they are our only bio. children -siblings we have adopted) is dead. She died from tb and so did their grandfather.
Tonite I asked some of the kids to tell me about what it was like in the orphanage for them on their b-day....

Sometimes you don't even remember it is your b-day.
No one says happy birthday to you.

We did a group celebration for b-days for 3 months... it was not really special.

Some kids were treated differently- they got special treatment because they were the teacher's pet.

If we got money from a friend or family member the teachers would make you buy something for the groupa... and say it like this," I know you would want to help." They would make the kid do it.....
They didn't care.
I have shared this story before of Leah. She celebrated her first b-day with us 9/11/06. For a week before she got really sad... and never answered our questions of what would you like to eat for your special day and what would you like for your b-day? Finally it dawned on me why.... She had never had anyone celebrate any of her birthdays ever. Not when she was at home with a drunk and crazy mom or dad and certainly not in the orphanage. So one am about 2 days before her b-day when this came to me... I put my arm around her and said," Leah we are so glad you were born and are a part of our family... we think you are special and want you to have a special day. She let a few tears slide down her cheeks and so did I... then finally when I asked what do you want to eat? She replied... chicken with bones on it. I usually prepare boneless chicken. So Paul went out and bought so much chicken with bones we ate it all week long :) Then she went over to our computer and picked up a picture of a little guy we were praying about adopting... His name was Chaba from Hungary. She brought it over and said, " This is what I want for my b-day... for you to adopt Chaba." Now Paul and I are both crying... what a sweet and compassionate heart... she wanted a home for another orphan.. he had a heart condition and a kidney disease.

The Lord had moved in her heart... as I pray that He will encourage your heart too... help a child to celebrate their birthday... help a child to know that they are special even with a special need or not, and help a child to realize they are worth it.. So many need a family... maybe you have your heart strings pulling this way... if not maybe you can support another famiy who is adopting or share an encouragement to them or like so many of my friends and family did a few weeks ago... celebrate the birth of our new children into our family with an "Adoption Shower"... I think each new child coming into a family should be celebrated !


Hevel said...

I meant to ask you earlier... What happened to Csaba? (The Hungarian spelling of the name... unless it's his last name, in which case about 10 people spell it Chaba.)

mommajeane said...

You are right about the spelling of his name..It was late and I was writing quickly. Hungary required/requires a minimum 6 week stay in counrty for bonding... you rent an apartment and get the child during this time. Our agency tried to get that changed for us but could not. We had already gotten our urologist and cardiologist to look at his medicals. Our agency shared our doctor's opinion with another adoptive family and they decided to adopt him... he came home in Dec. 2007 ( I think the yr. is right) to a couple who did not have any other children... then she found out she was pregnant and he now has a sister. So even though we did not get to adopt him we were happy and so was Leah that he now has a family.

Hevel said...

Well, yeah, I knew about the 30-day parenting (it's not even bonding, it's full in-country parenting. :-)) rule and really, from the 60+ adoptions I was involved in one way or another, both domestic and international, that was never ever waived. Actually the way the law is worded there in no possibility for waiving that period.

I am glad to hear that he found his family! I just recently heard that one of my former foster boys was adopted by an Italian couple. I wish we could have adopted him, but in Hungary gays can only foster, they can't adopt, so when we moved, we had to leave him with another foster family.

Kathleen said...

We recently celebrated Jon Felipe's ninth birthday. As we were baking the cake, he got all serious and told me that they don't have birthdays in Colombia. He also talks about his orphanage and the orphanage director, who was a delightful hard-working advocate for these children, and how happy it would make her if all the children in the orphanage had parents.